Ask the Expert: My dad is missing his cat and I don’t know what to do

Ashley Seace, AOS Care Manager – ashleys@aoscaremanagement.com

Question:

My father moved into a long-term care community a few months ago, and he was unable to bring his cat with him. He’s angry and lonely, and I think he is feeling depressed. Do you have any suggestions for how I can help him with this? The facility won’t allow any pets at all. I understand, but my dad is really missing his feline friend.

Answer:

This is a valid thing for your dad to be upset about, and it is also normal for you to want to help him! It’s unfortunate that some facilities don’t allow pets because they really do become like family. I can understand why your dad is feeling angry and lonely.

My first question to you is do you have pets? Sometimes, facilities will allow family members to bring their furry friends in for a visit. If you do have a pet, I suggest that you check with his facility to find out if you can bring your pet in for a visit. Typically, they just require the pet to be registered, and you need to provide their vaccine records. Even though it isn’t his pet, it would still cheer him up to have a cat come visit. Does the facility have therapy pets? Some facilities have employees with therapy pets who make rounds to visit the residents. If they do, I highly recommend getting your dad on their rotation so they can brighten his day with a visit.

Depending on your dad’s cognitive level, he might also benefit from having a robot pet. Some individuals who have cognitive impairments really enjoy having one because they simulate a real-life pet, without the mess of one! They make noise and breathe, so it looks like they are alive. You could even get him one that looked like the cat he used to have at home. Aging Outreach Services helps get robot pets for our clients so that they can have “a pet” while living in a facility that does not allow pets.

Would your dad be open to talking to a mental health counselor or maybe trying medication for his depression? It would be worth it to bring this up with him because talking to an unbiased third-party individual is beneficial for a lot of people. They can help him express his feelings in a healthy manner and give him an outlet that is outside of family. Medication can also help lift him out of his funk and stabilize his mood a bit.

Nothing will ever replace his actual cat, and it is important for you to recognize that as well. However, giving him space to express how he is feeling about missing his cat and potentially getting him around more animals is going to help him navigate this new period of his life.